Are you one of the millions of Christians who no longer identifies with the Church?

By: Linda Freeman


EXODUS 25:8 And let them make me a sanctuary; that I may dwell among them.

I can’t count how many Believers I’ve heard say over the past several years, “I don’t go to church anymore.” I have been one of them. I was never happy about that but I shared many of the same concerns as my fellow, former churchgoers. Tired of the programmatic same-old-same-old. Tired of the unspoken need to conform to a certain look, a certain way of talking, even a certain way of living. Tired of the thick, administrative layers of church staff. Tired of the chitchat and socializing that passes as “doing life together.” Tired of glitzy youth groups focused on entertainment and excitement while often overlooking cliques, gossip, and bad behavior. Tired of the constant imagery that Christianity is trendy and fun! Tired of the absence of basic doctrines being preached like the Cross and repentance from sin. But most of all, I was tired of recycled sermons and flashy displays of technology that seemed increasingly irrelevant to the alarming condition and culture of our nation.

Cue COVID-19. As the weeks turned into months, and churches struggled to comply with standards and then started getting shut down, I kept waiting to hear messages and teachings specifically about what we were all going through. What should Believers think about all of this? What do we pray? What should we be doing, or not doing? What do these new policies and procedures mean, especially in terms of our rights and need to freely worship and attend church? When it became evident that most pastors weren’t willing to address or “get involved” with this unprecedented cultural and political turmoil, I was out. I was already offended by the lack of biblical teaching and preaching about abortion, homosexuality, gay marriage, gender confusion, or even the “basic” sins like adultery, cheating, lying and stealing. In other words, the absence of teaching and preaching about sin, confession, repentance, and the Cross. And I sadly began to realize that every time I attended church, or watched online after the onset of COVID lockdowns, I was the one now sinning as I became increasingly bitter, judgmental, and even“disgusted” with the lack of courage to preach the whole Word, and to address the context of relevant politics and culture that we were all struggling with.

I knew I simply could not continue to put myself in that position. I realized it was my problem but I also knew Truth was operating. So I simply but sincerely asked the Lord to either change me, change them, or help my husband and me find a pastor and a place where we could be fully fed, fully used, and fully free to be who we are, including our thoughts, concerns, needs, and even our politics.

HEBREWS 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together…

I’ve been a sold out, Bible-believing, Spirit-filled and Spirit-led Saint since 1982, and I knew Hebrews 10:25 was a verse that could not be ignored. I wanted to feel convicted about “forsaking” the assembling of believers but I honestly could not muster it, even though I knew in my heart that we were falling far short of God’s intentions for us. Then, in early September, my husband said, “Let’s watch Paula White on YouTube.” It’s a miracle I didn’t get whiplash snapping my head around to gawk at him. We had both worked for one of the biggest televangelism ministries in the world in the late 1980’s and 1990’s. I was well aware of the headlines back then and didn’t realize Paula White was still on-the-air and preaching. But what I did know was that when my husband says something that pierces my heart as from the Holy Spirit, I pay attention. So we watched together, and we were blown away.

When we first heard Pastor Paula preach the Word online, we could barely sit up straight. It was as if the Holy Spirit were pressing us back into our couch. We felt the weight of the Word Pastor Paula was bringing! Best of all, she was unashamed and unafraid to confront the current culture and politics wreaking havoc on our nation, our families, and our churches. I was amazed and so excited! Here was a true preacher, rightly dividing the Word of Truth, in old-school style but with incredible precision and current, highly relevant wisdom. She even brought insider insights from having spent the last two decades as the spiritual advisor to the man who would become the 45th President of the United States. Incredible! God had answered my prayers for a pastor-preacher with real guts and a deep love and appreciation for the whole Word of God, but He was also about to answer my prayers to change ME!


PSALM 83:12 Let us take to ourselves the houses of God in possession.

We started to watch Pastor Paula and City of Destiny every Wednesday evening and Sunday morning from our home in Austin, Texas. I could not believe that I was actually excited about “church” again, and looked forward with anticipation to each message. Even more incredible was that my husband was taking notes during every message! If Pastor Paula preached two hours, it took us three hours to get through it because we would stop and rewind to be sure we were capturing everything she said. If you don’t know it yet, Pastor Paula has a unique and anointed way with words and with phrasing things that is both memorable and impactful. But you have to keep up!

In mid-November, Pastor Paula started a series on “The Church.” I groaned inwardly. That should have been a big clue that I was about to get clobbered in the Spirit! Pastor Paula started her message with Psalm 83:12. She painted a vivid picture of God’s enemies wanting to abolish and destroy God’s House. They also wanted to “take” God’s House as their own possession. There was no escaping the spiritual reality that I had slowly become like one of those enemies in my own way. Had I not wanted to make God’s House my own in the sense of trying to convince myself that I could do better on my own? Wasn’t I saying, in effect, that I could “take” God’s house – meaning, replace it or ignore it? More importantly, I realized I was literally denying Christ’s Body as it is intended to be manifested through the Church.

By the time that message was over, I was on my face, stricken with conviction over my disdain and neglect for God’s Holy House and for my arrogant, self-righteous refusal to identify with the His Body! I had made it about His people and their shortcomings (not my own) but, worse, it was if I had judged Christ Himself and His Body as not “worthy”…of me! I had fallen right into the enemy’s plans to “usurp” the authority and rightful position of the Church in my life and of my life in the Church by allowing a prideful deception to develop in my heart…that I knew better, that I could do it better, that I was “beyond” what the Church could do; in essence, taking what was His and building my own “house.” And I was also struck by the reality that the Body of Christ would not be complete and could not accomplish all God truly hopes for through us all, without every single one of us – including me – committed and submitted to being “fitted in” as lively stones together. More than that, how could anything that might truly be “wrong” be addressed if the people who can see it, aren’t there to say it?

God help me! With tears of both sorrow and gladness, I repented of despising the Church and, because Pastor Paula is uniquely able to speak the Truth in Love, I joyfully recommitted myself to God’s House, to His Church, and to His people. That night my husband and I decided we belonged to this House and to this Body. It didn’t matter that we had not personally met a soul from City of Destiny. We were being fitted in by God, for whatever purpose, and that was enough, even if we never met anyone in person. Since then, we have been “attending,” tithing, giving, and growing together with everyone committed to City of Destiny and Paula White Ministries. But wait! There’s more! Ever since this turning point and turnaround, God has already been able to USE my husband and me, and the gifts He has put into us, for His House, for His Body, for His Kingdom, and it has all happened very suddenly! I believe that demonstrates a spiritual principle that this could not have happened until we were willing to return to serve in the House of God. In fact, I believe we cannot even fulfill our individual and corporate destinies without being joined by the Lord to the specific House to which He calls us. And then, if we’re in our place, buckle up! There is truly nothing more satisfying, more fulfilling, and more humbling than being USEFUL by being where we are meant to be, and able to be who and what we were created to be. I learned through this experience that none of that happens when I separate myself from God’s purposes by separating myself from God’s people!

GENESIS 50:20 What the enemy meant for evil, God meant for good 

I believe the COVID shutdowns of churches in the U.S. have been intended and used by the enemy for evil, but I am just one story of how God has used it for good. What an amazing time this is for the Church and for all Believers! We can “attend,” identify with, support, communicate, tithe, give, serve, learn and grow together from all over the country and from around the world under one “virtual” roof. Perhaps it’s not as ideal as face-to-face fellowship  but, with nearly every church now streaming online, we have access to belonging without local limitations for “seating capacity,” and we are able to sit under excellent preaching and teaching from afar, like Pastor Paula’s and the City of Destiny without being limited by geography. We don’t even have to leave our homes to fulfill the mandate to “assemble ourselves” together in this season. As my husband and I have watched together in Texas, we genuinely feel connected to everyone we see attending City of Destiny’s services. We now know many of their names and feel like we know them personally. When we recently visited City of Destiny for the first time in Florida, we felt completely at home the moment we stepped across the threshold. Clearly, the enemy has overplayed his hand with the Church, and God is getting the glory!

If you have found yourself holding back from identifying with the Church, and with the Body of Christ, I encourage you to reconsider and re-evaluate your position in light of His Word and Pastor Paula’s teachings, and renew your stand IN God’s House and FOR God’s House, especially now. If not here at City of Destiny, then ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to your place. It’s never been “easier,” for lack of a better way of putting it. Of course, the Church is not yet perfect anywhere on this earth. I am not yet perfect. Even so, we are called to perfection and are being progressively perfected. What I am saying is that I have realized that God cannot finish perfecting me outside of belonging to His Church. That’s just the way it is and the Body will continue to remain incomplete without each one of us. God help us and forbid it!

Pastor Paula said in her transforming message about the Church, “You can be an individual letter, but you’re part of the alphabet.” It made me realize that my honest complaint all along had been feeling like I didn’t belong, while all the while trying to fit in by being someone I am not. Looking back, I can see that I caused a lot of those feelings for myself. My mind and my attitude have been changed and renewed by His Word, and by this ministry, and I now accept that I am not only personally responsible to protect, preserve, and to serve in God’s House – as Pastor Paula taught from Psalm 83:12 – but now I know and believe I am also fully “accepted in the beloved” (Ephesians 1:6). So are you! Welcome back!

ROMANS 12:5 So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.

Do you have a story about renewing your commitment to the Body of Christ through Paula White Ministries or the City of Destiny online church? We’d love to hear from you! CLICK HERE: Paulawhite.org/praise

If you would like to watch Pastor Paula streaming LIVE, every Sunday at 10:00a.m. EST and Wednesday at 7:00p.m. EST CLICK HERE: Paulawhite.org/live

Linda has a master’s degree in journalism, and is a former network television news writer, producer, and on-air talent. She has more than 20 years’ experience working for national/international broadcast news outlets (CBN/The 700 Club in Virginia Beach; NBC/MSNBC in New York City), followed by a second career in corporate communications with IBM in New York. Now retired, Linda specializes in writing screenplays based on or inspired by true stories. Two of her projects have been optioned by a Hollywood producer, who is currently collaborating with her on multiple film and television projects. Linda is also a published author and occasional guest speaker in churches and women’s groups. She is also an amateur pool player and has competed in national tournaments, where she looks for opportunities to share her many testimonies about God’s supernatural interventions in her life. As a college student, Linda lived and studied in Spain, and still speaks, reads, and writes Spanish with fluency. An “Army Brat” who was mostly raised in New Jersey, Linda now lives just outside of Austin, in the beautiful Texas Hill Country. She has been happily married for 30 years to her second husband, and they have raised four children together. They are finally enjoying an empty nest, if they don’t count their collie and two cats.

Linda Freeman

Author Linda Freeman

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Join the discussion 8 Comments

  • Debra Mullins says:

    It’s a blessing to have read and enjoyed this post. The subject is timely, its content provocative. Having for years been deeply connected to an on-fire church/Bible college that the Devil managed to blow out of the water (long, sad story), I embraced uncompromising expectations for Spirit-led worship and deep grounding in the Word. For years after this beloved Body “blew,” my church attendance (anywhere, everywhere) was a “downer,” so much so I quit altogether. Portrayed as “trendy and fun,” church was neither. It seemed as if I “built up” all week long, but on Sunday, what I had gained throughout the week seeped out of me in waves of dampening disappointment. Hope was repeatedly deferred for God’s presence, glory-worship, and hearty feasting in the Word. My heart was sickened because of it.

    To gain ground, I intentionally sluffed the Sunday stuff and doubled my efforts in seeking His face and finding my Kingdom “fit” elsewhere. Doing so, I’ve always positioned myself to be accountable to godly men and women I trust. I’ve never ceased to love the Body of Christ and to be in fellowship with Bride-quality Christians who share my disillusionment with churchianity. But church affiliation–that’s something else. All said, I celebrate with Linda the SUDDEN awakening her husband and she have experienced through Pastor Paula’s godly influence and remarkable work. God truly is doing a new thing, and I rejoice in it! Thanks for this great post.

    • Thank you for responding, Debra! I can totally relate to what you shared. Love the terms “Bride-quality Christians” and “churchianity.” You are no doubt a writer. May the Lord answer your heart’s cries and increase your gifts, as we all seek to be made Bride-quality for His return! LF

  • Brandon says:

    Love this article. It is right on!

  • Susan M Fawvor says:

    Such hope and faith flooded my soul as I read Linda’s testimony of the faithfulness of our Father. I was reminded of a book I had read in 1994 entitled, “The Next Move of God.” It was written by a mighty woman of God, Fushia Pickett. She had a divine revelation of the next move of God. I believe Linda’s testimony is some of the firstfruits of this revelation.

    Below is an excerpt of her book entitled “The Next Move of God.”

    “ For more than thirty years I have proclaimed, shouted and declared, without wavering, that the Church is going to experience a great revival before the return of Jesus. I have seen in the Scriptures the promise of the Holy Spirit moving in the earth to bring a wonderful revival to His Church and, subsequently, a great harvest of souls. The Lord also gave me a vision in 1963 of some of the things He is going to do in the church world in these last days in which we are living.

    While I was ministering in a church in Klamath Falls, Oregon, God took me “into the Spirit” for two days. The Lord told me that if I would remain in the sanctuary and wait upon Him, He would show me things to come in His Church and in the world when He poured out the fullness of His Spirit. As I waited there in prayer He took me into the heavenlies and let me see the revival that is coming. As He wrote it on the screen of my mind and spirit, I saw it more clearly than I see the faces of people.

    Hydroelectric Power Plant

    The Holy Spirit used the analogy of a hydroelectric power plant to explain to me what He was going to do. (I knew nothing about electricity; I couldn’t have fixed a light switch if my life depended upon it.) Hour after hour He carried me into the revelation of this vision, showing me heaven’s dunamis power.

    The Greek word for the power of the Holy Spirit is dunamis, from which we derive our word dynamo. The analogy of a hydroelectric power plant was a dramatic word picture to reveal the dunamis work of the Holy Spirit. It would not have surprised me that the Holy Spirit would describe His working in the heavenlies using such an analogy.

    Above the Church, high in the heavenlies, I saw the excavation for the building of a huge hydroelectric power plant. God laid the solid concrete foundation carefully, measuring the sand that went into it exactly. He cleansed everything and placed every screen and tubule in order precisely as it should be. Then He erected the power plant section by section. I saw the pipes; the dam and all its massive gates; out from which He ran prime lines, primary lines and secondary lines through great transformers to many points of distribution. After that, He began to fill the reservoirs with water, teaching me that unless a certain level of water was maintained the high-powered dynamo could not function properly.

    As I watched, I saw a church without walls. An awesome divine power was flowing down through the pulpits, out to the people and then through them to the world. Above this power plant I saw Christ, the Head of the Church, holding that gigantic power plant in His hands. At the same time, however, it seemed as though He were the One being poured through that power plant, down into the church and out to the world—a great harvest field, golden and ripe unto harvest.

    Networking Churches

    Somehow I understood that He was flowing His living water only to churches where deep wells and reservoirs had been dug. In the vision, I saw pipes being place underground from one fountainhead to another—from church to church. The pipes formed a network of churches, connecting those with deep wells that He had dug and filled with His living water—the living Word.

    I wished it was going to all churches, but I realized that many churches could not tap into this living water because they had no reservoir. And I heard the word, “Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts” (Ps. 42:7).

    In 1963 there was little evidence of such networking of churches and ministries. Nevertheless, I understood that He was showing me a network of churches that had been dug out through which He would flow His great flood of truth. The “digging” would happen as pastors and believers obeyed God and allowed the dealings of God to work in their lives. By their yielded obedience to the Holy Spirit and His Word they would become reservoirs of truth. From these churches His power would flow throughout all the world.

    Although no specific cities were named, I saw five geographical areas within the United States that would become vital centers for this divine power. When a vast network of churches had been filled with living water, God would pull a great switch and open all the gates of truth that have been dammed up by man. I saw the release of stream after stream of truth that God wanted to flow freely in the Church, but that truth had been dammed up behind denominational walls erected by man.

    Then, as the vision continued to unfold to me, in my spirit I heard the water—His Word—begin to run. Churches that had their reservoirs prepared began to fill up with water. They were ready for God to pull the switch and open the gates of truth from that great dynamo. I remembered Jesus’ promise to those who believed on Him. He said: “Out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water” (John 7:38b). This verse speaks figuratively of “the effects of the operation of the Holy Spirit in and through the believer.”

    When God releases His dunamis power in this next move of God, rivers of living water will flow out of our innermost beings. Habakkuk’s prophecy will become a reality: “For the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea” (Hab. 2:14). When those gates of truth are finally opened we are going to see an “old-fashioned, heaven-sent, sky-blue, sin-killing, gully-washing revival.”

    Construction in Progress

    At the time of my vision, my Father said to me, “I am running the pipes now. And this time when I pull that great power switch and release all the rivers of my living Word in their fullness, no demon, devil, man or denomination will ever dam it up again. I will do a quick work; I am going to bring the revival that will result in the ingathering of the great harvest of souls.”

    God also let me see what the ministry of the local church will be when His Spirit is poured out.
    The local churches would use the power of the living Word to take care of the needs of the people who gravitated to them.
    In this way, the vision for the ministry of each local church would develop according to the needs that presented themselves.
    Whatever type of people—youth, elderly, poor—that gravitated to a local church would receive full pastoral care.
    I understood that the believers in these churches would also go outside their four walls to take care of the wounded, hurt, lame, rejected and poor. They would feed the hungry and train disciples. They would teach ministers, raising them up to take the church into her inheritance.”

    *Excerpt: The Next Move of God, Fuchsia Pickett

    The vision and revelation Fushia received and spoke out back in the 60’s is coming to maturity in this season.

    The Lord is building His Church. A new season is here and the new wine skin is ready. Thanks for sharing Linda!

    • “The Lord is building His Church. A new season is here and the new wine skin is ready. Thanks for sharing Linda” Wow! God is definitely on the move, Susan, and truly doing a new thing! How blessed, how privileged, how grateful are WE to BE HERE for this time? Thank you for sharing and for your encouraging comments! LF

  • Sharon says:

    Linda, thank you for being so transparent about a subject/issue that is so wide-spread among believers today. I completely agree and bear witness to what you have written here. Jesus’ Bride is making (will make) herself ready…removing every spot and wrinkle…for Him. I’ve thought many times about ‘spots’ and ‘wrinkles’…spots we identify more easily I think…it’s the wrinkles that don’t always grip us the same, or as they should…wrinkles in our thoughts, attitudes…hearts? I thank God that He is always working to ‘iron out’ our lives. You have said so much here that I believe there is something for every believer who will take a good look at themselves in light of loving His Bride as He would want us to. Write more! 🙂

    • Hi, Sharon – Thanks for your encouraging and affirming comments! I’ve never thought about the “spots” and “wrinkles” before. My attitude about church was definitely “wrinkled.” Well said! It is a joy to start getting that ironed out 🙂 What a difference it’s making in my relationship and walk with the Lord. I wish I’d paid attention a lot sooner. LF

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